Living My Life

Warning! Soapbox ahead, proceed with caution.

I have discovered that the thing that brings me the most joy in life is to follow what God calls me to do. Nothing compares.

Nothing.

This is when I feel the most alive, fulfilled, joyful, patient, loving.... the list could go on and on. So imagine my confusion a few days ago when someone who is very close to me says, "At some point you've got to start living your life."

Huh?

This statement was said after a discussion about how Greg and I want to adopt again someday. Now I KNOW that I often don't look like the picture of joy and fulfillment. I know that, God forbid, you should happen to see me in Walmart with 3 kids, you would see a red head racing down the isles like a mad woman, yelling at her kids to stop touching things. You'd likely see a woman that looks haggard, stressed and just plain exhausted. I know that even in church, my face shows the stress of keeping my 2littlest ones from killing each other (we don't even shoot for quiet, no bodily injuries and we call it a success!). I am not naive to this fact. But I'd like to bring up an old worn out saying.

You can't judge a book by its cover.

Or more importantly, what you believe is truly living might not be what someone else believes truly living is. Yes, I am exhausted. Yes, I am sometimes stressed (OK, a lot of times). Yes, sometimes I just need to NOT be needed! But, BUT I am also more fulfilled than ever before. I am more confident than ever before. I have an inner joy that I have never known before. Because my fulfillment, confidence and joy are not based upon circumstance or even screaming children. These are based on living the life that God has given me, on pursuing the things that HE places on my heart, and on knowing that I am never doing this of my own strength.

Never.

At a graduation speech last year the question was asked "whats the one thing you want out of life?". My immediate answer, "To live in the center of God's will." Because I know there is NO greater joy.

Whats that song that says "Where you go I'll go, when you stay I'll stay, where you move I'll move. I will follow you."

That's all I need to feel like I am really living my life.

And for the first time, I feel like the expectations or criticism of others can't touch me. I was just confused by the statement mentioned above, and sorry that this person did not understand what "living my life" means to me. That I'm not waiting for something better (other than heaven of course!). I wasn't angry, defensive or hurt. I really only have one person to answer to. And that brings a peace that I can not explain. I know who I am. More importantly I know whose I am.

And I'm so happy to be living my life.