Carington update

Carington continues to amaze us with how well she is doing. She does love to be held a lot and is sometimes nervous or scared of other adults, but overall she is adusting wonderfully. She is so social and loves her brothers. She is begining to allow her grandparents to hold and play with her more, (vs. always insisting on having mama). She tries to mimick everything that Noah says and she is not intimidated by him in the least. She eats everything in sight and will not stop eating until the food is taken away. Even then she will clean up the floor of anything that may have fallen! She has gained about 3 lbs since being home. Thats an almost 20% increase! She is crawling much faster and will stand at the sofa when placed in that position, but cannot pull to stand on her own.

We are absolutely crazy about this little girl. I have had several people remark that they have never seen me this happy. And truely, I don't think I've ever been this happy. It is largely due to her, but I think that it is also due to having my family complete. For so long I had a child that wasn't mine, while the child that was mine was all the way across the ocean. I cannot describe the peace in my heart, knowing that this is my family, and unless heaven interupts, that it isn't going to change. These kids are my kids and they will stay that way. And I couldn't be happier about it!

New Dog

It has been 9 months since our beloved Brutus died. Today we finally got a new dog. She is a sweet heart. We got her from a local shelter, she had been there for 2 months. I'm shocked and very pleased that she is well behaved. I've been missing having a dog so much and really wanted one, but I was nervous that it would be to much for us right now. I'm happy to say that it looks like God lead us to just the right dog for our needs.

I was very surprised that Aiden actually started to grieve for Brutus today. When Brutus died I think he was so busy trying to hold his mama together that he never got a chance to grieve himself! It has been really sad and also really sweet to see him working through his emotions today. He is so excited about the new dog but it is bringing up so many memories for him. He told me tonight, "I miss Brutus the most because he and I were best buddies." I love this sensitive boy!

Our For Awhile Son

Today my foster son is on my mind. It was one year ago today that he joined our family. How I long to relive that night and have that precious boy in my home again. How I long to hear his laugh... to hear him call me mama... to see him play with Aiden and Noah. What I wouldn't give to hold him tonight...

A few days ago I over heard Aiden explaining to Noah why he had to leave. "Noah, he was never OUR baby. Thats why he had to leave us. But Noah, Carington IS OUR baby. She will never leave us. So you don't have to worry about that Noah." No part of my family is untouched.

So I thought now might be a good time to dispel a common myth about foster parents.

We do not become foster parents because we are somehow immune to getting attached. Being a foster mother is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my whole life, mostly because I was so attached. I cannot describe how painful even the joyous parts are. That may be hard to understand. But when I felt joy from my time with him, when I saw his joy from his time with me, it hurt. I cannot describe accurately the constant underlying feeling of doom... knowing that someday he would be taken from me. Like knowing that something terrible is about to happen, your just not sure when.

All of that being said, do I regret it? NO!
Was he worth all the time, energy, and pain? ABSOLUTELY!
Do I recommend foster parenting? YES!
How can I say that after the pain I've experienced? Because quite frankly, its not about me.

It seems to me the primary reason that people don't become foster parents even when they feel a calling is because they are afraid of getting attached. They should be much more afraid that the child they could have kept safe may be hungry right now. He may be physically abused. He may be sexually abused, verbally abused, spiritually abused.... But I wouldn't want to get attached.

I am not saying that everyone should foster. But I am saying that if you have thought about it, if you have felt that tug at your heart, well its not the goodness in your own heart thats talking. Thats God. So maybe you should discuss it more seriously with Him.

OK, I'll get off my soapbox.

The day after my foster son left I read a poem by a foster mother who knows what I am going through. It helped me a lot. I took her poem and adapted it to fit our family and our foster son. Obviously I'm no poet, but this helped me to grieve. Maybe it will help someone else to.

Our For Awhile Son


You were an extra special one,
You were our "for awhile son".
Sent to us by God above,
to cherish, care for, teach and love.

You came here as a newborn boy,
couldn't roll, couldn't crawl, couldn't play with a toy.
With doctors and nurses you rarely fussed,
You are stronger than most, cause you've been through so much.

We remember how you loved your bath,
the joy on your face as you splashed and splashed.
Then there was the day that you sat on your own,
there were lots of cheers and hoorays in our home.

Our hearts leapt the day you said your first word,
a sweet "dada" for daddy Greg was heard.
We will always remember your light belly laugh
as you played tag with Aiden and Noah until one of you crashed.

With your push toy you'd knock anyone down,
you were never afraid of standing your ground.
Much applause erupted as you took your first step,
but I was the one you wanted when you fell and you wept.

But, oh how you smiled and your eyes shined
whenever you were happy, which was most of the time.
The day that you left has been my hardest to face,
Lord watch him, comfort him, keep him in your grace.

Please know I'd give anything to call you my own,
but I pray we'll be close in our heavenly home.
Simply, we'll remember our sweet little one,
in our hearts forever, our "for awhile son".