One year anniversary

One year ago today something wonderful happened. After over a month of researching adoption "just out of curiosity", I sat down to have some prayer time with God. I was feeling strongly lead to go ahead and make this decision, but I'm the type that wants a message written across the sky. That is practically what God gave me! So many things in this whole adoption process has amazed me about how God is working. I wanted to record the experience here for 2 reasons. Firstly, so that everyone will know that this little girl was no accident. We did not become mother and daughter by happenstance. This was a clearly directed plan for both of our lives. Secondly, and most importantly, to give God the glory for all that has happened. I know this will be long, but believe it or not, this is a very short version of all the amazing things that happened to lead us to this decision.

I wrote on my calendar that I started researching adoption sometime between Jan. 8-12, 2009. We found out recently that our daughter came to the orphanage on Jan. 12, 2009. She legally became our daughter on Jan. 8, 2010.

One year ago today I decided to spend some time in prayer and that is when I had the most amazing prayer experience of my life. First I asked for God’s guidance and asked that he send the devil away. When I began praying over what to do the word adoption kept coming to my mind and overriding even the questions I was asking. But I thought about adoption so much that I thought I was just distracted. So I decided to just focus on Jesus and praise Him. I closed my eyes to picture His face and His arms reaching out to me like I do a lot. When I did this Jesus was handing me an African baby! It startled me but I still felt like maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. So I decided to picture Jesus on the cross and His sacrifice for me. The thought that immediately popped into my head was, “I did this so that you could be adopted into my family. Now its time to do this for someone else.” I said, “when Lord?”. Immediately this phrase from a song came to me that I haven’t heard in years and years, “what about now? Why not today?”. The importance of this has become clear recently. Families whose paperwork arrived in Rwanda just 2 weeks after us have not yet received referrals on their children. I'm sure that God's timing will be perfect for those families as well, but I believe God knew we had to act quickly in order to bring Carington home at the time that we did.

God then brought to my mind all the benefits to Aiden and Noah, decreased racism, see how God has adopted them, give them a more giving spirit. I told God I wanted him to get all the glory and He said that adopting would bring him far more glory than another pregnancy. I questioned whether this was God or my own rambling or the devils influence. God said, “you asked me to send the devil away.” I then remembered something I’d just read about Jesus and the devil being the only controllers of our mind. It was like God was reminding me that the Devil was gone and He alone was in control. I thought, “you alone are worthy, you alone.” He said, “I was adopted. What would have happened if Joseph had not adopted me?” It came to my mind that Jesus’ lineage was traced through Joseph and the prophecies about him could not have been fulfilled without Joseph.

I said “If Satan is gone then why do I question.” The answer, “you need to choose faith. Faith is holding onto what you cannot feel.” The whole conversation seemed natural. I didn’t feel like something amazing was happening and God knew I needed to hear these words. I said, “I’m afraid I’ll look back and question whether I really experienced this.” God said, “have this ever happened before. Have I ever given you so many answers when you were quiet before me?” I said, "I just want to know this is your will". I then felt like I should look at Ephesians 1:5 which talks about us being adopted into God's family. When I did my eye caught verse 9 “and he made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ.”

At this point I felt like I should kneel with my face to the floor. I started to think of childbirth and I began to wonder about how different this would be not carrying this child. God immediately said, “I will give you the love.” I asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell me and it was quiet for a while, which I needed to process and realize that my mind was not in control of this. Then I asked, “Lord, what about my dream of having a little redheaded girl.” The immediate answer was, “She was never meant to be.” This hurt very deeply, but God knew it was what I needed to hear. Since we had always planned on having 3 children by birth before we adopted I needed to know that there wasn’t a life that was meant to be created. I said, “really Lord, she was never meant to be?” I thought at that point that I would picture myself with that little girl like I have a million times, but instead I pictured Jesus holding me and comforting me in the loss of that dream! I began to cry and asked “Lord- she really wasn't meant to be? This isn't the devil tricking me?” God said, “I sent him away. Remember?”

I felt so amazed that God cares to answer my prayers and that He takes the time to speak to me! That afternoon I talked to Greg on the phone. I said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I had an amazing talk with God today and I believe 100% that He wants us to adopt that little girl from Rwanda now.” Greg said, “OK if that’s what God told you then that’s what we’ll do.” We submitted our application with the adoption agency online that night!

Our first day with Carington I was playing with her on our bed in Rwanda. As I looked at her I realized that I no longer had any desire for that little redheaded girl. Carington is the only baby girl I want. God knows far better than we do what is best for us. Sometimes I'm very hard headed and ask Him for a million signs. I am so thankful that He cared enough to give me the "writing in the sky" that I asked for. Otherwise this precious girl would still be an orphan and I would not know the joy that comes from following God's plan.